I want that gentleman swag.

I made a video. It’s pretty awesome. You should watch it. Then comment and let me know what stuck out because I’m condensing it to about 4-5 minutes and building on the things that pop.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditTumblrShare
3 comments

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01729910232551290015 Susan

    First 20 seconds are perfect and funny, the ingraining of habits and the suit-to-prom stories drag a little, the pictures you refer to on the left of the screen are funny, the top hat is fabulous, Lisa Frank stickers!!, “rights of passage” drags a little so maybe just focus on coffee (or cigars, or scotch, whatever other trades you have), (mine is linguistics and IndyCar, btw), “you are a fountain of talents” is nice but try not to assume that all women our age have the same kind of alcoholic social pursuits, the conversation with Alan drags a little, the magical baby also drags a little but if I received that compliment I’d probably have an orgasm, and the video ends very well.

    By “drags a little,” I really mean that the story you’re telling could be totally essential, but perhaps edit out some of the pauses, “uh,” “um,” etc. and just highlight the plot points. Sorry if any of the critique was harsh; I was just “free-typing” as I was watching.

    I also want gentleman swagger. I was raised around all boys (Mom was there too, but she happens to be a tomboy) and have “male” interests, so when I’m around all two of my girlfriends, I feel like a dude.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15715933879509916904 Jas

      No, no, don’t worry about harsh! This was really great and pretty spot on. It also specifies an area I was worried about – I as trying to a joke/comment on how so many female essayists/comedians rely on sex and drinking as a crutch for material and instead it just comes across all muddled and wrong.

      This was exactly what I wanted from people. Thank you so such a detailed reply!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10058971746438279217 Jade Wright

    I completely agree with Susan – but I did really enjoy this video Jas and it’s always nice to get to listen / hear a blogger! Makes it just that much more personal :)

    http://www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com