The world's most inspired women have hands like velveteen baby skin.

According to the definition that I just made up, an on-call temp is the business world's answer to the hustle and bustle of a modern day, traveling carnie. In other words, temps are the carnies of the business casual universe - except there are no Gravatrons and, for the most part, everyone has all of their teeth.

Like the nomads of the street fair variety, I tackle shifting environments that manage to fundamentally stay the same no matter where I go; I have perfected the art of managing fleeting friendships while avoiding emotional attachment; and I consistently troll a variety of business men that seem to want to flirt with and/or seduce me because a) they will finally have worthy material to contribute to the water cooler gossip circle and b) they know they will never see me again - and they know that I know that they will never see me again. With a couple of exceptions, I rarely visit any office more than once.

In fact, nothing is ever the same in the world of on-call temps - except for one thing:
 

Whenever I assume the position at a new receptionist desk, I immediately notice the hand lotion to the side of the computer. I occasionally find even more hand lotion in the supplies drawers. I have not seen such a consistent presence of hand lotion since I was in middle school and the popular girls were constantly applying whatever the hell their moms got them from Bath&Bodyworks during every single class. It amazed me. Why do they need all of this hand lotion, I thought? How on earth can you go through a bottle that massive in a week? Do their hands feel like butter? ... Can I touch them? 

 There is a very specific type of middle school girl who uses that much hand lotion and, apparently, 70% of them grow up to answer phones, receive deliveries, and have incredibly soft hands that smell like cherry blossoms or Lubriderm.

Not only do receptionists have hands made of baby skin, but they are also pillars of positivity and, above all, women of a HIGHER POWER. There is no greater constant in the universe than the sheer amount of inspirational quotes that receptionists have enscribed onto cute sheets of paper and taped to every concievable spot within eyesight at their desk. Receptionists surround themselves with constant reminders of how amazing things are. Books (particularly of the Chicken Soup variety), quotes by famous people, scripture from their religious handbook of choice; receptionists employ all of these mediums and more to maintain optimum inspiration levels one hundred percent of the time.

Since I am merely an actor and writer who fills in for these women, I get to look at their world from an outsider's perspective. It might be similar to what carnies must think about the inhabitants of the small towns they travel to during the country fair season. As an occupational wanderer with a zest for changing scenery and a reputation for trouble, I can't help but marvel at the strange things that remain constant in the corporate world. While I doubt I will ever truly understand the front women of the 9-5 crowd, I will rest easy thinking that they they are stoked all the time and that their hands feel like baby seals.

 

I will also rest easy knowing that if I were trapped in a pit with a receptionist and this guy had to choose who to make into a coat first, I would totally go second.