The best sangria recipe

It must be my lucky day: I found solid block of sangria in the freezer a couple of hours ago and have been sipping on it as it melts. Want to know why that is so wonderful? I'll do even better. I'll give you the recipe and let you figure it out.

Sangria

The Jas Way.

You will need:

1 bottle of cheap ass RED wine. Cabernet, Merlot, Shiraz, Hoity Toity Hybrid; I don't care. Red and cheap means joy to reap.

(Suggested brands: Oak Grove, Oak Ridge, Oak Leaf, or whatever the hell it is; the name doesn't matter because it all grows on the same tree and they sell it at Wal-Mart and Kroger for $2.97 a pop. If you want to be a Fanny-Fancy-Pants then you can go to Trader Joe's and get some 2 Buck Chuck.)

1 small bottle of the cheapest orange liquor you can find. This is generally going to be triple sec.

1 small bottle of the cheapest brandy you can find.

1 carton of orange juice

1 collection of random fruit, chopped.

(Suggestions: strawberries, mangoes, kiwis, apples. I mean, anything in the fruit section will work. You could probably get away with any porous food. You could probably use yams and it probably wouldn't matter. Once it soaks up the alcohol it all tends to taste the same.

Disclaimer: please do not credit me if you decide to use yams.)

Directions: Find a fool proof vessel for your impending creation. I mean it when I say fool proof. This stuff is potent. You may think that you are fine to continue pouring and serving guests after ingesting a glass or two, but you are probably wrong. Therefore, you might want to use something with a lid. Or better yet, something with one of those little spickets at the bottom of the barrel that you can press to make the sangria come out.

You have a container yet? Congratulations. Now put it aside for a second.

Get a big tub. Something enormous that you can pour a lot of stuff into and stir around.

1. Dump the entire contents of whatever cheap wine you chose into the tub.

2. If the bottle of brandy is about as big as the palm of your hand, go ahead and dump the whole thing into the tub as well. If it's a bigger jar, then just pour a little in and figure out how much more you need after step 4.

3. See step 2, except replace the word 'brandy' with 'triple sec.'

4. Pour in just enough orange juice to give the sangria a hazy purple color.

5. This is where you decide how much more brandy and triple sec you want to add.

6. Dump the fruit into the tub.

7. Mix it all up and add some ice.

8. Pour back into fool-proof container.

9. Make sure you have lemon juice and sugar ready for those who are little babies.

Serve. Have fun.

The name change: Oh, hi Jas.

I was born the year that everyone decided to name their child Jessica. There were three of us in my preschool class. There were four or five of us in any given elementary school class. Then, on the first day of seventh grade, the number hit an all time high with seven Jessicas in the same class. Two of them even shared the same last name: The Jessica Smiths.

The two Alpha-Jessicas - the Smiths - claimed the nicknames Jessie and Jess immediately. Another Jessica decided to change the pronunciation of her name to Juh-SEE-ka. Another Jessica decided to combine her first and middle name to make Jessica-Lee. The next two Jessicas, defeated, agreed to number off as Jessica #1 and Jessica #2.

That left me.

And hell if I was going to survive those last two hellish years if middle school as Jessica #3. If the acne, extra weight, and desperately awkward desire to fit in wouldn't stop me from achieving the popularity that most seventh graders craved, then a name like Jessica #3 certainly would have.

The name JAS comes from two things: a) it is comprised of my initials and b) at the time, there was a character named Jas in this book I had read called Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging. She was called Jas. It was written somewhere; that meant that it was a real name.

Hey, I could be called Jas.

At first, it was just a name to separate me from the Jessicas in home-room; after all, seventh grade Me was more concerned with being too different than being too similar. Soon, I started using it online with my super cool Livejournal. Finally, when I decided that I was better off looking for friends outside my high school, I began to introduce myself to people as 'Jas.' By my junior year, Jas was basically my name.

It is pronounced like "Jass." The best way to make people remember - especially drunk people - is to tell them that my name rhymes with ass.

Some people still insist on calling me Jazz. I don't know how many times that have corrected the artistic director of The Program, but I have resigned myself to the fact that some people will never master the hard 's' sound. It's not like I made it any easier by spelling it the way that I did.

I started to write Smile Big and Pretty under the name Juniper Shinn because I was somewhat scared about sharing my name online, but more because I was scared that Ubel would find me. There aren't too many ladies named Jas in the world. Lately, however, I have been auditioning a lot more, writing a lot more, and networking a lot more. I need to start using my name. And lately, I have realized that I simply do not give two shits about Ubel anymore. He's a fartass.

So goodbye to Juniper Shinn.

My name is Jas.

My first video creation

When I first purchased my Mac, I made myself promise that I would justify dropping that much money on a piece of equipment by using it to better my creative abilities. Behold my first creation.

Not bad considering that it was shot on a Canon Powershoot and edited with iMovie.

On Vacation

Here is the reason that I have not updated in over a week (or two):

IT'S DONE, YA'LL.

Other than that, I have been vacationing in Colorado and seeing my sister and my niece. Hilarity has ensued. Expect pictures.