Period Styles: Proof that humankind has been obsessed with butts for a long time

This February, I will be playing "Dorinda" in the winter play: a fully realized production of The Beaux' Stratagem.

Because traditional restoration plays have no coherent plot to speak of, just millions of characters saying, "Fah fah fah, fah fah!" while they make sexy-sexy, we are producing the updated version by Ken Ludwig and Thorton Wilder. They kept enough sexy-sexy and trimmed enough Fah-Fah's to create a version that will allow an audience to understand the basic plot by the curtain call.

Our director, wanting to be true to the restoration era, has decided to costume the show in traditional restoration period clothing. We are already rehearsing in petticoats, paniers, shoes, and corsets. Real corsets, not the wimpy little numbers you find at the back of Hot Topic. These will lace up and squeeze all of the love you have ever known from your body. I love them.

Before this show, I wanted to own a fat suit because I thought it would be great fun. Now, I want to own my own set of paniers. They are the fat suits of the olden days. They support my theory that mankind has had an obsession with massive asses since the olden days. Look at the size of those things!



The bigger they were, the more desirable you were.
I ripped a hole in my bloomers, hence the triangle shaped crotch shot:


The boys' rehearsal attire allows them to recline and carry on a normal life:


They choose to sit with their legs wide open because it's what "men do."

The other ladies and I don't really have a choice. We must sit with our legs open because, if we do not, the points of the corsets will stab us in the vagina.