According to the science that is my own experience with my body, I have concluded that working amongst of thirty thousand female marathon runners took a dramatic toll on my cycle and overall emotional well being.
Here is my evidence.
1. This series of text messages:
That’s right. When my significant other let me know that he remembered to move my car on street sweeping day without being reminded, I sobbed in public.
2. I almost fought with a staffing agency representative.
I have never, in my life, behaved negatively toward a promotional staffing agent. However, every time she came within my eyesight, I wanted to hit her and pull her hair. She had begun the promotion by sending out a blanket e-mail that used lots of CAPITAL LETTERS and BOLD PRINT and ITALICIZED PRINT and UNDERLINED PRINT and RED PRINT.
She used no tact whatsoever in e-mails or basic human interactions. She addressed us as if we were felons in the special needs wing and she was our dominatrix warden. Look, bitch, I get that you hired most of your staff from Craigslist, but when you treat complete and total strangers like that, it makes me want to ACT LIKE THIS ALL OVER YOUR RUDE FACE.
I mentally checked out when I arrived to my final shift at 4am and didn’t hear so much as a, “Good morning.”
Under normal circumstances, I would roll my eyes and chalk it up to the nature of the business. In the presence of thirty thousand jacked up female athletes, however, I transformed into a confrontational wreck with a penchant for passive aggressive revenge and what therapists refer to as “Intrusive Thoughts.”
3. My body perpetually feels like I’m inside a running microwave.
I shouldn’t have cramps for another week and a half. The stiffness in my chest feels like it’s crushing my lungs. My arms haven’t stopped shaking since my second shift. It’s difficult to breathe. I feel like I annoy everyone. I feel like people hate me. Nothing makes sense. Why is this happening?!
4. Since returning to LA, the benefits of a shower cannot compare to the vast amount of energy it would take to shower, so I have just compromised and soaked in the tub instead.
5. The same exact thing happened last year when I worked the same event. (Sans staffing coordinator problems.)
In short: I think that when I am around such large numbers of women, especially when they are worked up to perform an act of extreme physical strength and endurance, my personal cycle is pulled in so many different directions that it completely wrecks my body chemistry.
I will be binge eating pastries and completing my cycle of nonsense in the corner if you need me.